Chapter 3: You Cannot Recognize What You Do Not Have in Yourselves
We hear some people say that they wanted their parents to love them but they were not loved. What is the “love” that those people mentioned?
You began recognizing your parents in the beginning of your life when your brain barely started functioning, and it was still very immature. If you considered your parents as immature, it signified that your mind was young and immature. You cannot recognize what you do not have in your cognitive system. You recognize only things for which you have definition.
Assume you find a token for a carnival game on a street. It has no meaning and no value for you, so you will ignore it. But it could be a priceless old coin while you just thought it was a carnival token. It is too late to realize its value after passing. Similarly, actions and thoughts of which you have no definitions in your mind cannot be recognized. When you were a baby, you thought of only yourself. You would not take care of other people when you were tired. You did not work for money and think of spending it for somebody else. Thus, you could not recognize that it was your parents’ love when your mother took care of you despite her fatigue and your father worked and earned money to spend most of it for you. You could not recognize the form of their love, so you ignored it.
When somebody says that his parents had no love, it actually means that he had no love as a child, and consequently he couldn’t project love onto his parents. If the present he, as an adult, still claims his parents have no love, that implies he still doesn’t have enough love to project onto them. Every person defines love differently. As children, though, we had no definition of love. We only experienced comfort and discomfort. Those who claim they needed to be loved didn’t think about love in their childhood. They defined discomfort as lack of parental love after they had grown up and become a little cunning. By re-examining the situation, they will find out that they just wanted their parents to do whatever they wished, rather than wanting their parents’ love.