Chapter 12. Inner Child That Pretends to Be an Adult
The ultimate purpose of modifying your mind is transferring yourself to the state where you can make choices on your own. In that state, you will have independence based on the confidence with which you can be responsible for your life. This mental independence is the true form of freedom. It will definitely give you the greatest joy in your life.
However, there are times when you cannot make decisions, with various thoughts just going in circles. You want to make a decision, but still you cannot do it. Nobody deters you, but you are just unable to do so. This conflict wastes your energies, and this standstill exhausts you.
When you have a conflict, there are two entities inside you. One is mature, Adult You, and the other Inner Child. These two are arguing in your mind. Inner Child wants to avoid duties and responsibilities. S/he tries to deceive Adult You by making plausible excuses or seemingly rational reasons in order to manipulate other people including Adult You. This Child You is what we call “False Adult (Pretended Adult).” Its excuses eventually appear to be of righteousness and common sense, and that will make it difficult for you to make a decision, and send you thinking in circles without an end.
Sometimes Inner Child blurts out sophism. This unexplainable reasoning is called “Something Strange.” Something Strange is an unreasonable train of thought which is chained arbitrarily in your mind. You cannot become aware of this train of thought by yourself.
In order to end the conflict, you must be able to see through the excuses and rationales by False Adult and Something Strange. You must be careful with False Adult when it shows up and gives you reasons and explanation that are socially acknowledgeable. You may feel bound by these reasons and social rules, and become unable to choose and decide.
Those excuses may sometimes lead to serious consequences. For example, saying “I want to make my child listen to me. Otherwise s/he may be in an accident,” is in essence the same as wishing for an accident to happen to the child. When somebody says, “I have to quit my job, otherwise I may ruin my health,” no one knows whether it is true or not, but s/he allows the possibility that it will manifest as his/her reality one day.
Therefore, it is important to first to uncover what your Adult Self and Child Self are thinking. It helps to write down what they are saying on paper. As I explained before, we are not good at separating reality from imagination and fantasy. Writing helps you to draw a distinction between them and their respective thoughts. For instance, you might have two opposite wishes at the same time: you want to take a long vacation in an exquisite resort, and you want to work harder to get a promotion. When you hear both statements to yourself expressing the two thoughts, you think you can manage to do both. However, when you put your thoughts down on a paper, you can see it clearly that you need to choose one for yourself. Moreover, it helps to show what you have written to others. They can also point out your Something Strange.
It is also recommended to write down a dialog between Adult Self and Child Self.
You will notice that the Child Self sometimes pops out suddenly pretending to be an adult (False Adult) in the conversation. If you capture the false adult’s remarks straightaway, you will find the train of thought which has deceived you for long time, and you will be able to end the conflict.