Only Child Likes Monopoly

5. Characteristics of the Only Child

The only child has the characteristics of both the Eldest Child and the Youngest Child. S/he is the only child of his/her parents, so they raise him/her very carefully and attentively. S/he receives only the best in everything. S/he acquires material things as much as the Eldest Child, and is protected as much as the Youngest Child. Having eliminated siblings, s/he can monopolize material possessions and protection. So, s/he is not good at sharing things with others. S/he tends to be laid back since things come to him/her without competition. S/he is inclined to perceive others as very greedy and competitive.

S/he does not have status and retainers, and does not have the same responsibilities as the Eldest Child. Since s/he is the only child surrounded by adults, s/he receives an enormous amount of attention. S/he takes it for granted that adults are there to serve him/her. S/he seeks absolute protection. In exchange for this protection, s/he has no freedom as his/her parents meddle with his/her business on all fronts. The image of the only child is that of the heir to the throne, living in a tower. Everybody guards him/her so carefully, lest something would happen to him/her. S/he has good relationships with elder people, but s/he cannot build good relationships with boys and girls his/her age. Yet, he allows him/her to focus on what s/he wants to do.

The only child is more timid than the Youngest Child. S/he tends to keep his/her parents’ attention by talking to them as much as s/he likes. More than the Eldest Child, s/he is secretary preoccupied with monetary assets. Because s/he wanted to monopolize his/her parents, s/he has no siblings, and that makes him/her more worried about the future as s/he grows. S/he cannot get rid of the fear that may happen when his/her parents die. Because of this fear and these worries, s/he has an inclination to accumulate wealth for his/her peace of mind. S/he likes savings money more than other children do. S/he has trouble understanding other people’s feelings because s/he did not have other siblings. S/he often feels as if s/he is an outsider.
Main characteristics:

A: S/he is not good at relationships. S/he has trouble understanding others and him/herself.
B: S/he is relaxed and less competitive. S/he is a pacifist.
C: S/he has a strong desire for money, but s/he is unaware of it because s/he desires it automatically and normally, and everything had come to him/her without competition or strong effort. S/he feels other people are more greedy than him/her.
D: S/he feels strong jealousy towards others when they have something that s/he wants.
E: S/he feels superior to people his/her age, because s/he grew up around people older than him/her.
F: S/he always carries a sense of loneliness.
G: S/he is very timid and does not want to venture out of his/her comfort zone. S/he has more fear as s/he grows older.
H: S/he wants people to do what s/he wants them to do. S/he is selfish.
I: S/he requires perfection from others.
J: S/he does not strive for improving him/herself and tends to maintain the status quo. S/he tends to procrastinate, but once s/he is determined, s/he does not hesitate.

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The Purpose of Life for Youngest Child is Protection..Love.

3. Characteristic of the Youngest Child

The Youngest Child has at least one older sibling, so parents are experienced raising children by the time of his/her birth. They raise him/her while they work and take care of the first child. The youngest can never experience monopolizing his/her mother, and usually receives second-hand clothing and baby items from the older sibling. Parents and family members no longer make a big deal out of the arrival of a child. Thus, s/he receives much less attention and fewer gifts. From the start, parents can dedicate less time and energy to this child in comparison to the older child. If there are three or more children in the household, they can no longer afford financially to provide for the Youngest Child, so eventually his/her financial state will be worse. The first child tends to want the best things, but the Youngest Child usually feels very happy when receiving something from his/her parents, even if it is ridiculously trivial.

The Youngest Child is often said to be shrewd. S/he grows up watching the older siblings and can observe what makes their parents happy or annoyed. On the other hand, s/he is very cautious and timid, and this disposition itself caused him/her to be born as the youngest. S/he is supposed to be protected and pampered by the whole family. The general definition of love is receiving protection and care, so we can say that “protection is love.” Thus, the Youngest Child can obtain “love.” S/he receives less care and attention initially, but the attention of his/her parents will increase little by little as s/he grows older. That is because his/her mother can spend more time and attention to take care of the Youngest Child as the older siblings become independent. Thus, the Youngest Child is the only child who can get increase his/her mother’s care. S/he enjoys learning from the older siblings who are ahead of him/her. S/he is less resistant to receiving guidance or copying others. On the other hand, s/he always feels inferior to the older siblings. That feeling makes him/her very competitive, and make him/her possess a strong aspiration to improve.

Sometimes the older siblings suppress and force him/her to behave like as a servant. This is the cost of the love (protection) that s/he gets. In order to be loved (protected,) s/he needs to be observant of other family members, and curry favor with them. This is another cost of love. Thus, s/he becomes interested in people. The image of the Youngest Child is that of “an eternal student.” S/he has an inclination to learn forever. S/he always feels unconfident and feels like s/he can never win. This feeling is also the cost of receiving “protection.”

Main Characteristics:
A: S/he tends to be dependent and needy for protection.
B: S/he is timid, feeling unstable in a leadership position.
C: S/he is emotional, considerate to others, sympathetic with others.
D: S/he tends to curry favor with others, and often uses humore.
E: S/he is interested in learning, being guided and has great aspirations.
F: S/he becomes flustered because there is always something overwhelming him/her. S/he has low self-estimateem.
G: S/he avoids taking responsibility alone. S/he takes action only when guided or instructed.
H: S/he is self-assertive in a selfish manner.
I: Due to low self-esteem, s/he tends to settle for her/his second choice.

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This Is the Purpose of Eldest Child

Chapter 2. Characteristics of the Eldest Child

The Eldest Child is the first child for parents. They must purchase baby clothes, a crib, everything anew. If this baby happens to be the first grandchild of the family, the excited grandparents will not hesitate to buy and prepare many things with delight. Besides, this child will be showered by many gifts from family friends and acquaintances from birth. Every aspect of child rearing is new to the parents, so they treat their first baby extremely carefully.

Thus, the eldest is same as the only child until the second child is born. The eldest receives enormous attention and material things. It is usually the case that s/he has most photos taken among the siblings. Due to birth order, s/he naturally acquires the titles of “the eldest son or daughter,” “the first grandchild,” and “family heir.”

Since this is the first pregnancy and first parenting for the mother and father, they have a large amount of worries and expectations about their first baby. Their dreams and wishes will be projected onto their first child. Hence, the most prominent characteristic of the Eldest Child is that s/he is the only one child who can monopolize the parents. The child is allowed to behave like a noble prince or princess for a while.

So far, it is the same as an only child. The difference is that the Eldest Child will lose the monopoly when the second child is born. Then parents will tell him to take care of the younger sibling and to act as his/her big brother and sister. The younger sibling is told to obey the eldest. This is a new status for the Eldest Child that is not available to the only child. The eldest can earn this status and respect as long as s/he takes care of the younger siblings. Taking care of others is needed as payment to acquire status and prestige, because now s/he has his/her retainers. The image of the eldest is “king” or “queen.” Naturally this elevates his/her pride. This is the ultimate purpose of his/her life.

As for the negative side, the basic trauma will occur to the eldest when the next child is born. The mother starts taking care of another child while the eldest still believes that the mother should be devoted to only him/her. S/he becomes shocked that his/her empire was annihilated by this lowly newborn baby. S/he feels something unreasonable has happened. S/he becomes skeptical about love, believing, “Love ends someday (This depends on the time span until the second child is born).” This deep disappointment will be harbored in his/her mind for life unless s/he modifies this misunderstanding.

Main characteristics:
A: S/he puts importance on material things.
B: S/he clings to status, assets, reputation, brand, and appearance.
C: S/he has great pride and believes that s/he has priority over others without any reason.
D: S/he makes a great leader, is responsible, and can give orders. S/he is good at taking care of others.
E: S/he doesn’t like imitating other people and will avoid doing something if s/he must copy someone else.
F: S/he sees importance in tradition and protocols and believes that seniority matters.
G: S/he seeks organization and ranking within the society. S/he is good at maintaining personal relationships within the social order.

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You Can Find Your True Purpose of Life in Your Birth Order

Fractal Psychology Master Course: “Introduction”
The Fundamental Purposes of Life

Chapter 1. The Family Environment as the First Reality That You Created

TAW (Theory on which Fractal Psychology is based) theorizes that life is complete realization of your thoughts. The first thing in your life that you recognized is your family and familial relationships. So, this is your very first creation from your thoughts. Your thoughts precede everything including your parents, siblings and your birth order. Your reality emerged exactly as you had thought. Family is the smallest and first unit of society that you encountered. You learn how to interact with others from birth to the age of six when you live in a small social unit, such as a family. Your thoughts have created your family, and you learn patterns of personal interactions from it. This becomes the foundation of life.

The way you perceive family and your reality is as follows:

Wrong recognition:
“My family environment was _______, so I became _______.”

Correct recognition:
“I had thoughts of _______, which was manifested into my family environment.

“Because my environment had been such, I became _______ more and more.”

What purpose did you have by creating your family environment? It manifests in the order of birth among siblings. Parents treat the eldest, the Middle Child and the youngest differently. This difference can tell you what your initial purpose is at birth, because “Results are Purposes” as we have learned. Why were some born as the eldest, some as the youngest, or some without siblings?
Let us analyze attributes based on birth order.

General Purposes of Life Analyzed by Birth Order:

Eldest Child: status, things, possession, creation
Youngest Child: protection, guidance, love, wisdom, preservation
Middle Child: freedom, independence, innovation, destruction
Only Child: things, possession, protection, monopoly

As shown the above, birth order can tell you much about the purposes of life. Let us explore more in the following lessons (chapters).

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Everyone has His Own Purpose of Life

Fractal Psychology Master Course “Introduction”

THE FUNDAMENTAL PURPOSES OF LIFE

Preparatory Exercise: Choose the sentences that describe you in each group.

Group A:
・On a date, I prefer going to a high-end restaurant.
・I would choose to work for a large, household name company.
・I feel I should inherit and manage the family lineage after my parents’ death.
・I feel I should look after my ancestors’ graves (to preserve the family lineage).
・I sometimes end up purchasing items without checking the price first.
・I own high-quality items including high-end brands in small quantities.
・I am interested in learning about my ancestors’ history and traditional culture.
・I care about courtesy, social rules, and respectability.
・I feel enthusiastic and work hard when somebody depends on me.
・I have an unfounded confidence.
・I prefer quality over quantity.
・I believe it is a social rule to respect elder people/senior citizens.

Group B:
・On a date, I prefer a restaurant where I can chat comfortably.
・I prefer to work for a company with stability.
・I feel we should help weak people and people in need.
・I think love is more important than money.
・I sometimes want to buy what other people have.
・I become easily satisfied with something simple and inexpensive.
・I become interested in learning the same thing my friends are learning.
・I should get along with my neighbors so I could ask them for help in case of an emergency.
・There is somebody I revere.
・I feel that it is more pleasant to spend time with others rather than being alone.
・I can’t say no when somebody gives me direction.
・I would rather have somebody teach me on the job.

Group C:
・On a date, I don’t mind eating at a restaurant that we run into randomly.
・I would like to work for a company with a less restrictive corporate culture and a casual dress code.
・I want to go see the world, leaving family obligations to other siblings.
・I don’t follow fashion trends.
・It often happens that I have trouble find something I like, so I end up visiting many stores.
・I become learning something few people learn, rather than something many are learning.
・I feel in having to socialize with relatives and neighbors is tiresome.
・I would like to live in many different places.
・I enjoy traveling alone.
・I feel annoyed if other people rely on me.
・I will create my own method rather than imitating other people’s methods.
・I enjoy contemplating and creating revolutionary ideas.

When You Cannot Get Married, What Is Going on in Your Mind?

These are the examples of the case study to find your False Adult.

Case Study 4: “I want to get married, but I can’t.”

A=Adult
C=Child

C: I want to get married.

A:Then, get married.

C: But if I am married, I will lose my freedom. I don’t want to spend time taking care of my spouse.

A: Then, why don’t you strive to have independence in your marriage?

C: But women end up having to work for the husbands. There won’t be any freedom.
(Something Strange)

A: Then, don’t get married.

C: But I would be lonely. (Excuse)

A: Then, just have a boyfriend.

C: I don’t want to continue working. I want to take it easy. (Real motive) (Something Strange)

A: Then, why don’t you quit?

C: But I think women should be financially independent as well. (False Adult)

This woman initially sees working as a burden so she wants to get married to avoid working. She says she wants a marriage because she is lonely, but that is just an excuse. At least at this point it is because she does not agree with the suggestion of having only a boyfriend to ease her loneliness. If she insists that she feels lonliness, eventually this excuse will be manifested and she will feel lonely very much.
Her real aim is to have somebody feed and take care of her; she wants to avoid work and have others serve her. This thought is projected onto a future spouse, and she feels that the husband will be dependent on her in marriage, using her like a servant. Thus, she is hesitant to get married. This is her Something Strange. This is just her selfish train of thought.

In the dialogue, at the end she evades the question of marriage by stating that women should be self-reliant as well. The conflict thus goes on. The assumption that women should be independent is created right at this moment and will remain in her consciousness. With this thought, she will be more unlikely to get married in the future. In this case, what she must do is to first acknowledge her Inner Child’s real motive, that she wants to depend on her spouse. She needs to have a dialogue with Child Self, teaching her what the dependence entails; reliance on her husband will create some limitations and it could lead to no personal growth or development as long as she avoids her housekeeping duties since nothing will get done. If she truly wants to get married, she must instruct Inner Child to accept limitation and carry out the duties of marriage. Or, if she is to be self-reliant, she must tackle her job with a more positive attitude.
In either choice that she chooses, things will go more smoothly once she has modified her Inner Child.

 

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When You Are in Conflict, Find Your “False Adult”

Chapter 12. Inner Child That Pretends to Be an Adult

The ultimate purpose of modifying your mind is transferring yourself to the state where you can make choices on your own. In that state, you will have independence based on the confidence with which you can be responsible for your life. This mental independence is the true form of freedom. It will definitely give you the greatest joy in your life.
However, there are times when you cannot make decisions, with various thoughts just going in circles. You want to make a decision, but still you cannot do it. Nobody deters you, but you are just unable to do so. This conflict wastes your energies, and this standstill exhausts you.

When you have a conflict, there are two entities inside you. One is mature, Adult You, and the other Inner Child. These two are arguing in your mind. Inner Child wants to avoid duties and responsibilities. S/he tries to deceive Adult You by making plausible excuses or seemingly rational reasons in order to manipulate other people including Adult You. This Child You is what we call “False Adult (Pretended Adult).” Its excuses eventually appear to be of righteousness and common sense, and that will make it difficult for you to make a decision, and send you thinking in circles without an end.
Sometimes Inner Child blurts out sophism. This unexplainable reasoning is called “Something Strange.” Something Strange is an unreasonable train of thought which is chained arbitrarily in your mind. You cannot become aware of this train of thought by yourself.

In order to end the conflict, you must be able to see through the excuses and rationales by False Adult and Something Strange. You must be careful with False Adult when it shows up and gives you reasons and explanation that are socially acknowledgeable. You may feel bound by these reasons and social rules, and become unable to choose and decide.

Those excuses may sometimes lead to serious consequences. For example, saying “I want to make my child listen to me. Otherwise s/he may be in an accident,” is in essence the same as wishing for an accident to happen to the child. When somebody says, “I have to quit my job, otherwise I may ruin my health,” no one knows whether it is true or not, but s/he allows the possibility that it will manifest as his/her reality one day.

Therefore, it is important to first to uncover what your Adult Self and Child Self are thinking. It helps to write down what they are saying on paper. As I explained before, we are not good at separating reality from imagination and fantasy. Writing helps you to draw a distinction between them and their respective thoughts. For instance, you might have two opposite wishes at the same time: you want to take a long vacation in an exquisite resort, and you want to work harder to get a promotion. When you hear both statements to yourself expressing the two thoughts, you think you can manage to do both. However, when you put your thoughts down on a paper, you can see it clearly that you need to choose one for yourself. Moreover, it helps to show what you have written to others. They can also point out your Something Strange.

It is also recommended to write down a dialog between Adult Self and Child Self.
You will notice that the Child Self sometimes pops out suddenly pretending to be an adult (False Adult) in the conversation. If you capture the false adult’s remarks straightaway, you will find the train of thought which has deceived you for long time, and you will be able to end the conflict.

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