Your Feeling Is Not Necessarily a Fact.

Chapter 9: Your Sense of Deficiency Is Proportioned to the Amount of Your Desire

Let’s say a man answered the question in the preparatory exercise for Chapter three, that love means parents always listen to him. He believes his parents did not listen to him, which he took as a sign of their lack of love for him. However, how could he be sure that his parents did not listen to him? You cannot be so sure of your own senses. The feeling that your parents did nothing for you is not necessarily a fact. Children under the age of six have a very limited perspective and care about only themselves. They do not remember when their parents listened to them because it always happened naturally. If their parents ignored them once, they would have kept strong memories because they felt resentment toward their parents, and they would have the memory that their parents “always” did not listen to them because they replay the memory repeatedly.

On the other hand, there are children who can accept their situation easily. They do not complain to their parents when their parents don’t provide what they want. Those children did not expect much from their parents in the first place, thus, there is a difference in perceiving an event among children with different degrees of desire. If you hear one person state, “My parents didn’t take care of me,” and another state, “My parents did,” you cannot judge which person was cared for more than the other. Yet, you can assert that those who clung to the memory that their parents did not take care of them had really a strong desire for their parents to do that.

For those people, it is difficult to relinquish the resentful memories. The image of the poor self is transferred into another image that they made with much effort; this process changes the lazy and mundane self into somebody of distinction and importance. Unhappy memories of their parents not loving them are an attractive and agreeable story to make other people sympathize and forgive them despite their bad traits. They can manipulate other people into taking care of them.

Even when the stories are kept private in their minds, they feel a sense of superiority because they are trying very hard despite their unfortunate past. Thus, they have no intention to let go of the past when they have already grown up.
As I explained above, there are misunderstandings in their minds which are emotionally charged. Those misunderstandings lead to their current situations in which they feel frustrated or underappreciated it is. Such a waste of energy to have these misunderstandings! Recognizing these misunderstandings is the way to liberate themselves in the true sense. However, their freedom is still limited as long as they blame their parents for their current lives. That means that they are still spiritually dependent on their parents even if they seem to be financially independent.

People Have Wrong Definition of Love

Chapter 8: Change Definition of Love

Some people will have emotional difficulties when they try to broaden their perception. For those who hate the parents, it does not make sense when they hear that their parents loved them. Deeper investigation uncovers that they have resentment towards their parents who were different from their ideal image, saying; “my parents should have done that for me, but..” or “My parents were unusual. They didn’t act as other parents do..” Now they are adults, and they seem like they already have forgiven their parents, but those emotions still remain, even over something trivial. Those people have noticed many shortcomings in their parents.

Examples of the situation are:
1. My mother was cold-hearted, always paying attention to my elder brother and never to me.
2. My father was selfish and never fulfilled my needs. He never asked me what I wanted to buy and where I wanted to go.
3. My mom always took care of my younger sister, and she left me alone, saying “You are not a little child anymore.”
4. I was subject to abuse, so I was not same as other children. My parents were very immature.
5. I was always wondering why my family was deprived. My parents were always complaining about money and they didn’t buy anything for me.
6. My mother was dependent and obedient to my father. I didn’t want to turn out to be like her. I thought women were at a disadvantage. That’s why I never married.
7. I grew up in a loveless family because my parents divorced. I don’t know how to love, so nobody loves me.

You cannot recognize things that you take for granted. If you are a parent, you must know from experience what a demanding job parenting is. Parents spend most of their time child-rearing. Those who do not admit that their parents loved them do not comprehend this. They say, “I did not ask them to give birth. They just had me, so it’s their duty to raise me. However, simply taking care of me is not love.” They are asking their parents for something special, more than simply taking care of them. For those people, love means dependence and control. If they insist on this attitude, they will never have true love because the growing older naturally means less dependence on others.

If a woman has this dependency, she will have a fear of loving others. It is not because she did not have her parents’ love but she has become fearful thinking a lover will be dependent on her and control her just in the same way as she demanded to her mother and father. In her private life, she will have trouble getting married, and socially she will not enjoy working with subordinates because she believes other people are really dependent on her. As we have seen so far, the old, piled up resentments hinder growth and development, and they put limitations on you unknowingly. Thus, the misconception of the definition of love limits you in many ways.

130429_151135
130429_151135

Misinterpretation Rooted From Limited Perspectives

Chapter 7: Broaden Perspectives and Eliminate Misinterpretation

How were your answers in the preparatory exercises? Most students answered something like, “I understood my mother over 99 percent but she understood me only 10 percent.”
The answers reveal that most of us feel that our mother’s perception on us was wrong and our viewpoint of our mothers was right. Is this true? No, in fact your mother definitely understood you much better than you did your mother. Do you agree? The more mature you are, the more you understand this and agree. The same goes for your workplace; the less experienced employees absolutely cannot understand the more experienced workers. However, you believed that as a child, you could judge your parents better than they judged you as well. This per se is an example of misinterpretation rooted from limited perspectives.

Your immature mind defined your parents before you were six years old. Thus, without truly understanding what your parents were actually doing, you have defined what your parents were. A broader perspective brings accurate views. For example, the whole view of an elephant drives you to understand accurately what an elephant is. But with a limited viewpoint, if you see only a leg of an elephant, you misinterpret that the foot is the entire elephant. You would believe that an elephant must be like a wall.

The same thing happened in your childhood. The perceptive of a child is centered on self. Child-you determined that whoever pampers you is a good person, and whoever restricts you is a bad person. Children would likely say;
“My mother is cold. She is always nice to my younger sister, not me.”
”My dad gets angry easily. He is scary. I don’t want to talk to him. I hate him.”

Fractal Psychological modification of Inner Child makes your perception of time wider and lets you get the whole picture of every object. You need to consider what the true meaning of fairness is, and who should have priority in a family. This consideration will help you get rid of your misinterpretation. And then, you can start to perceive a new world that you have missed so far.

miyajima%e7%b7%a8%e9%9b%86%ef%bc%91

All Problems Stem From Only Three Causes

Chapter 6: All Problems Stem From Arrogance, Laziness and Ignorance

As we have already learned, the recognition ability of Inner Child is too immature to acknowledge our parents fairly and accurately. This failure has led to much misunderstanding and undervaluation of your parents at the level of the deep consciousness, even though we are now adults. Remember, the evaluation of your parents reflects on society. When you undervalue your parents, you undervalue your own abilities as well, because your parents are the reflection of part of your deep conscious.
For this reason, people who don’t respect their parents are apt to feel their ability is low, and they might believe that the reason is genetic. This is not true.

Fractal Psychology elucidates that, ultimately speaking, all problems stem from arrogance, laziness and ignorance: in other words, arrogance that parents should always put you first over anybody else, baby-like laziness that parents should take care of you constantly, ignorance that stems from lack of knowledge of the mechanism between phenomenon and thought. This misconception at the initial stage of life becomes a pattern and produces seeds for many troubles and problems in the future. These seeds are present and will affect your deep conscious.

Why do these misunderstanding occur? It is because we had been in perfect harmony and oneness before we started this life. Imagine that, as a fetus, you have absolute protection in your mother’s warm womb; you can get a constant flow of nutrients before you feel even a little hunger. There is no need for asking or showing your desires to others, and still you are protected from everything perfectly. But once you were born, the world begins to lag. You cry for milk, but milk does not come immediately. Everything takes time. Sometimes results are not as expected, and you must suffer and endure.

So, to be born in this world means a transition from the perfect world to a world with dissatisfaction and negativity. You take more notice of negativity, rather than love that exists for granted. You forget that in the womb you grew yourself on your own, but now you need to ask your parents to nurture you instead. This is the base of your mind, and that makes you incorrectly require something from your parents, others, and society. Furthermore, you might believe you are still helpless and powerless even in adulthood. Needless to say, that is just an illusion, but these feelings are comfortable for you because they remind you of being helpless and powerless after birth, when your parents took care of all of your needs.

Examples of Childhood Misinterpretation

“I am the center of my family.”
“I think my mother should prioritize me, instead of my father and my siblings.”
I consider my mother as a maid.
I think that my siblings took my mother away from me.
I feel that I can get anything I want.
I feel that I should be freed from whatever I do not want to do.
I believe that my mother should understand my feelings without explanation.
I think it is malicious to scold me.
I think others should listen to me all the time.

20140105_001705

The Traits of Your Parents Are Those You Already Possess

Chapter 5: Features of Fractal Psychology in Modifying Inner Child

Inner Child Therapy in Fractal Psychology is to modify your mind that remains stunted, by healing, re-experiencing and re-interpreting the events that caused trauma. Conventional therapy to treat Inner Child helps one to forgive his/her parents who gave imprinting and caused traumas, and to correct a tendency inherited from his/her ancestors. However, this does not conform to the theory of Fractal Psychology which is based on TAW, saying “Thoughts create reality.” TAW stipulates that our thoughts precede our parents.

As we learned from chapter three, we cannot recognize traits like love, because we do not possess love in ourselves. Therefore, some traits you see in parents are those you already have in your mind. Since you do not want to see them in yourself, you project them to your parents instead. Unless you admit that those traits originally belong to you, you cannot change your situation on your own, and you will experience the same situation again. When you experience the same situation, you will say as usual, “This negative pattern has been imprinted on me by my parents, so I’m experiencing this situation.”

Let me illustrate the above point. You felt that your clothes got dirty when you hugged your parents. You thought that their clothes were soiled first and made a mess on yours. So you exclude your parents from your life. Next, you change clothes and embrace your lover. Your lover’s clothes get dirty as well. Whose clothes are dirty after all? It seems that it is your body that is soiled. You see, this is how conventional therapies work, forgiving your parents and others for something even though they were still guilty, without pointing out the true cause.

Here is an example: suppose that your father hit you when you were a child. You forgive him saying, “Oh, he was immature back then. I will forgive him.” It may heal you temporarily and give you a sense of superiority as you felt like you successfully changed yourself. Yet, the tendency to be aggressive to others actually belongs to you, not your father, so you cannot change your disposition despite removing your father from your world. Therefore, you continue to attack people to whom you feel superior, including your children. In those instances, you will make an excuse that the trauma made by your father in your childhood still affects you.

You might remember that repeated memories act like true facts, as we have already learned. These memories repeatedly imaged create another reality. As a result, you might see somebody aggressive around you. You really desire that nobody hurts you, but you are creating somebody who is worse than you, in order to hide your true disposition. Thus, the vicious cycle continues.

TAW methods do not need external villains when you heal yourself. You do not need to forgive somebody in a therapy. All you need to do in therapy is to admit firstly that your father is a projection of your own self. If your father hit you, it suggests that you have initially attacked him (affronted him, belittled him) before his attack. Remember, “Thinking and Taking Action Are the Same Thing.” The admission comes first, and then, you will discover that even now your inner voice is always affronting somebody subconsciously. These aggressive dispositions are the true causes to drive you to your present troubles. Let me emphasis again, the admission must be first. Then, you recognize that your hidden personality, not the trauma, causes your present problems.

In the preparatory worksheet, you listed things that in which you think you are not as bad as your parents. That list is exactly what you have in yourself.

img_9962

You Will Experience the Same Events All the Time

Chapter 4: Influence of Inner Child

Suppose that you had an event in your childhood that hurt your feelings. It could be that you felt your parents treated your siblings better than you, or that your parents yelled at you unfairly. That event might have occurred only once, but you have repeated and replayed it in your mind, which makes it seem like it occurred many times in reality (as memories are fabricated). It occurred a long time ago and was already over, but your mind perceives as if it is still ongoing. Thus, an event created a small trauma.

Because of this trauma, you eventually start thinking that people around you will cause you emotional pain just like you believe your parents did, by projecting your parents onto these people. You will perceive your future in this manner. As this goes on for a while, this thought will emerge in reality, and something that hurts you will happen to you. This provokes an emotional outburst in you and you will feel that your claim that “you are hurt by somebody” is vindicated.

Once you fall into this pattern of thinking, you’ll experience the same events all the time.
You feel that people always hurt you whatever you do. You end up being immersed by negative emotions such as anger, resentment and sadness. This situation makes you feel that nothing is going well in life, and in turn you lose motivation or get sick from the stress and negative emotions. You may become unable to articulate yourself and unable to develop your abilities.

Those who have this symptom on an extreme level, usually exhibit dissatisfaction and anger over trivial things. They tend to complain and whine often, be disorganized, or constantly curry favor with other people. This in turn causes them to be lazy, irresponsible, make excuses without apology, and feel guilty and languish; these behaviors and attitudes drive them into conflict with others and into the vicious cycle of the negativity. Eventually this situation leads them to experience obsessions, phobias, and addictions. Energy is spent and wasted on negative thoughts, not on something productive and positive. In this way, the mind stops growing.

As illustrated above, Inner Child creates various emotions such as anger, sadness, loneliness, and different obsessions in our daily lives.

14054987_635926873237464_110309763421853562_n

We Had No Definition of Love in Our Childhood

Chapter 3: You Cannot Recognize What You Do Not Have in Yourselves

We hear some people say that they wanted their parents to love them but they were not loved. What is the “love” that those people mentioned?

You began recognizing your parents in the beginning of your life when your brain barely started functioning, and it was still very immature. If you considered your parents as immature, it signified that your mind was young and immature. You cannot recognize what you do not have in your cognitive system. You recognize only things for which you have definition.

Assume you find a token for a carnival game on a street. It has no meaning and no value for you, so you will ignore it. But it could be a priceless old coin while you just thought it was a carnival token. It is too late to realize its value after passing. Similarly, actions and thoughts of which you have no definitions in your mind cannot be recognized. When you were a baby, you thought of only yourself. You would not take care of other people when you were tired. You did not work for money and think of spending it for somebody else. Thus, you could not recognize that it was your parents’ love when your mother took care of you despite her fatigue and your father worked and earned money to spend most of it for you. You could not recognize the form of their love, so you ignored it.

When somebody says that his parents had no love, it actually means that he had no love as a child, and consequently he couldn’t project love onto his parents. If the present he, as an adult, still claims his parents have no love, that implies he still doesn’t have enough love to project onto them. Every person defines love differently. As children, though, we had no definition of love. We only experienced comfort and discomfort. Those who claim they needed to be loved didn’t think about love in their childhood. They defined discomfort as lack of parental love after they had grown up and become a little cunning. By re-examining the situation, they will find out that they just wanted their parents to do whatever they wished, rather than wanting their parents’ love.

miyajima2

 

We Are Using Two Parts of Brain

Chapter 2: How Inner Child Perceives

Imagine that your male coworker told you (a woman) what happened over the weekend during the lunch break at work. He said, “Yesterday I took my daughter to the amusement park. She was so excited, but started whining when it was time to leave. She squatted and would not walk. So I had to raise my voice and finally tap her butt to make her stand up, and had to carry her along with heavy luggage because, you know, I had to come to work today. I was so exhausted.” You would sympathize with him, and would say, “That must have been tough. She spoiled your day off,” understanding your coworker’s disappointment. And you would add, “Well, you are very nice to your daughter. You do love her. My parents weren’t that nice. I remember that a long time ago my dad took me to the amusement park and that suddenly I got spanked even though I did not do anything.”

Let’s look at how the mind operates. When you listen to your coworker, you use you adult and mature mind, and make judgments with it. The adult mind allows you to see that he loves his daughter and spent his money and his day off taking her to an amusement park to make her happy. You also completely understood that the child spoiled all his kindness by whining and acting inconsiderately, and that she hurt her father deeply. However, when you recall and talk about your own similar experience from childhood, you apply the immature, child mind without noticing. It is revealed that you still have no idea how much you hurt your father’s feelings and disappointed him as a child.
As in the example, you will face some trouble because you still judge your parents with your immature, child mind. When you become an adult, the way you perceive your parents will transform to match how you perceive society, politicians, and the president of your work place. If you are dissatisfied with these people, your immature mind will automatically react to them. That makes you preoccupied with unhappy circumstances, and it will cause you problems at work. If you get angry with politicians or feel that society is not functioning well, or you dislike the president of your company, it means that you still have misconceptions and misunderstandings about your parents. You need to take a close look and reassess your parents with your mature, adult mind. When you have modified your mind, you will see your future circumstances changing gradually. That is because “your thoughts create your reality, 100%.”

miyajima%e7%b7%a8%e9%9b%86%ef%bc%91

 

Is the Operating System of Your Brain Updated?

Basic Lecture 2: What is Inner Child

Chapter 1: Definition of Inner Child

Our daily thoughts, feelings and actions are based on some certain patterns which have already been predetermined. This resembles a computer’s operating system. The patterns were created at the initial stage of life. Fractal Psychology deems this period as from birth to the age of six. The operating system is a very important foundation because the new mind grows on top of it, just as new branches and leaves grow from a tree trunk. It needs to be fully functional and compatible in order for new software to work with it. If the operating system is old and outdated, new software, however advanced it may be, will not operate with it.

The operating system created in your childhood consists of your thoughts toward your family. You have been always employing this old OS to recognize the society at large. In brief, your viewpoint of your parents is reflected in your opinion about society, your company, your boss and politicians. Your perspective on your siblings is manifested in friends and coworkers.

Our minds are naturally meant to grow and develop each day. The growth and development of the mind allows you to have wider views, understand and acknowledge the feelings of others and be in harmony with people around you. It also enables you to create new works which you could not do before, expand your range of activities, and achieve even more.

At adolescence, your mind experiences a rapid growth. A new mind is born and growing inside the old one. This state of mixed mind is called “inner adult,” as the old mind still exists in a larger quantity than the new mind at this point. In this state, you feel like you have grown up. You also feel superior, and you might sometimes belittle your parents. Eventually your new mind grows more and occupies a larger part in the mixed mind, and it covers over your child part. This covered part becomes your “Inner Child.” This is a common state, when a person’s mind grows normally.

However, there remains part of the human psyche that does not grow despite the passage of time. This portion remains to retain the limited perspectives and experiences of a child. This is the Inner Child (the old part of the brain) that we are now attempting to modify.
Inner Child can be uncontrollable as it reacts to things more emotionally than logically, and that creates problems.

Only those with more adult mind than child mind can modify their Inner Child. For those with more child than adult brain, it becomes necessary to have external help to make modifications in their Inner Child. In these situations, you visualize an ideal mother figure and imagine that your mother comforts and heals you. Yet, this is only a consolation and not a true modification of your Inner Child.

14054987_635926873237464_110309763421853562_n

 

What Is Inner Child in Fractal Psychology?

Basic Lecture 2: What is Inner Child

Preparatory Worksheet

1. What kinds of problems would you experience when using a computer with an old operating system?

2. How old were your mother and father when you were born?

3. List situations or circumstances in your childhood when you felt being loved by your parents. Examples: When they hugged you; when they bought you a toy.

4. List things that irritate or anger you often in daily life, including really minor things.

5. Did you think that you had been better than your mother or father (or had not been as bad as your parents) in certain aspects? If any, list them.

a. Things better than your mother:
b. Things better than your father:

6. Answer the following questions.

A. Fill in the blanks in the following questions:
“Parents should do (      ) for children.”
“I wished that my parents would have (    ) for me. “

B. Visualize a childhood scene where your family is watching TV after dinner. Who has the control to choose the channels?

C. Imagine your parents and you (age 6) are at the toy store, and they about to buy a toy for you.
Who is choosing what to purchase? Your father, your mother, or yourself?

7. Answer the following questions. Do not give too much thought in answering. The maximum number is 100.
Q1) When you were in middle school, you were scolded by your mother. She said that you
were very self-centered. How much did you think she understood you?
(     )%
Q2) When you heard your mom saying the above, you thought that she was really short-tempered. How much do you think you understood her?                                                                          (       )%

8. What is your definition of “love?”
To love somebody is to (                        .)

9. Please refer to your answer(s) to the question 3 on page 21. How often did your parents do what you had wished that they would do? How many times? Occasionally?

10. What are the benefits or rewards, if any, if you get seriously sick or in an accident?