This Is the Purpose of Eldest Child

Chapter 2. Characteristics of the Eldest Child

The Eldest Child is the first child for parents. They must purchase baby clothes, a crib, everything anew. If this baby happens to be the first grandchild of the family, the excited grandparents will not hesitate to buy and prepare many things with delight. Besides, this child will be showered by many gifts from family friends and acquaintances from birth. Every aspect of child rearing is new to the parents, so they treat their first baby extremely carefully.

Thus, the eldest is same as the only child until the second child is born. The eldest receives enormous attention and material things. It is usually the case that s/he has most photos taken among the siblings. Due to birth order, s/he naturally acquires the titles of “the eldest son or daughter,” “the first grandchild,” and “family heir.”

Since this is the first pregnancy and first parenting for the mother and father, they have a large amount of worries and expectations about their first baby. Their dreams and wishes will be projected onto their first child. Hence, the most prominent characteristic of the Eldest Child is that s/he is the only one child who can monopolize the parents. The child is allowed to behave like a noble prince or princess for a while.

So far, it is the same as an only child. The difference is that the Eldest Child will lose the monopoly when the second child is born. Then parents will tell him to take care of the younger sibling and to act as his/her big brother and sister. The younger sibling is told to obey the eldest. This is a new status for the Eldest Child that is not available to the only child. The eldest can earn this status and respect as long as s/he takes care of the younger siblings. Taking care of others is needed as payment to acquire status and prestige, because now s/he has his/her retainers. The image of the eldest is “king” or “queen.” Naturally this elevates his/her pride. This is the ultimate purpose of his/her life.

As for the negative side, the basic trauma will occur to the eldest when the next child is born. The mother starts taking care of another child while the eldest still believes that the mother should be devoted to only him/her. S/he becomes shocked that his/her empire was annihilated by this lowly newborn baby. S/he feels something unreasonable has happened. S/he becomes skeptical about love, believing, “Love ends someday (This depends on the time span until the second child is born).” This deep disappointment will be harbored in his/her mind for life unless s/he modifies this misunderstanding.

Main characteristics:
A: S/he puts importance on material things.
B: S/he clings to status, assets, reputation, brand, and appearance.
C: S/he has great pride and believes that s/he has priority over others without any reason.
D: S/he makes a great leader, is responsible, and can give orders. S/he is good at taking care of others.
E: S/he doesn’t like imitating other people and will avoid doing something if s/he must copy someone else.
F: S/he sees importance in tradition and protocols and believes that seniority matters.
G: S/he seeks organization and ranking within the society. S/he is good at maintaining personal relationships within the social order.

dsc_0275

 

Advertisements

You Can Find Your True Purpose of Life in Your Birth Order

Fractal Psychology Master Course: “Introduction”
The Fundamental Purposes of Life

Chapter 1. The Family Environment as the First Reality That You Created

TAW (Theory on which Fractal Psychology is based) theorizes that life is complete realization of your thoughts. The first thing in your life that you recognized is your family and familial relationships. So, this is your very first creation from your thoughts. Your thoughts precede everything including your parents, siblings and your birth order. Your reality emerged exactly as you had thought. Family is the smallest and first unit of society that you encountered. You learn how to interact with others from birth to the age of six when you live in a small social unit, such as a family. Your thoughts have created your family, and you learn patterns of personal interactions from it. This becomes the foundation of life.

The way you perceive family and your reality is as follows:

Wrong recognition:
“My family environment was _______, so I became _______.”

Correct recognition:
“I had thoughts of _______, which was manifested into my family environment.

“Because my environment had been such, I became _______ more and more.”

What purpose did you have by creating your family environment? It manifests in the order of birth among siblings. Parents treat the eldest, the Middle Child and the youngest differently. This difference can tell you what your initial purpose is at birth, because “Results are Purposes” as we have learned. Why were some born as the eldest, some as the youngest, or some without siblings?
Let us analyze attributes based on birth order.

General Purposes of Life Analyzed by Birth Order:

Eldest Child: status, things, possession, creation
Youngest Child: protection, guidance, love, wisdom, preservation
Middle Child: freedom, independence, innovation, destruction
Only Child: things, possession, protection, monopoly

As shown the above, birth order can tell you much about the purposes of life. Let us explore more in the following lessons (chapters).

miyajima2

When You Are in Conflict, Find Your “False Adult”

Chapter 12. Inner Child That Pretends to Be an Adult

The ultimate purpose of modifying your mind is transferring yourself to the state where you can make choices on your own. In that state, you will have independence based on the confidence with which you can be responsible for your life. This mental independence is the true form of freedom. It will definitely give you the greatest joy in your life.
However, there are times when you cannot make decisions, with various thoughts just going in circles. You want to make a decision, but still you cannot do it. Nobody deters you, but you are just unable to do so. This conflict wastes your energies, and this standstill exhausts you.

When you have a conflict, there are two entities inside you. One is mature, Adult You, and the other Inner Child. These two are arguing in your mind. Inner Child wants to avoid duties and responsibilities. S/he tries to deceive Adult You by making plausible excuses or seemingly rational reasons in order to manipulate other people including Adult You. This Child You is what we call “False Adult (Pretended Adult).” Its excuses eventually appear to be of righteousness and common sense, and that will make it difficult for you to make a decision, and send you thinking in circles without an end.
Sometimes Inner Child blurts out sophism. This unexplainable reasoning is called “Something Strange.” Something Strange is an unreasonable train of thought which is chained arbitrarily in your mind. You cannot become aware of this train of thought by yourself.

In order to end the conflict, you must be able to see through the excuses and rationales by False Adult and Something Strange. You must be careful with False Adult when it shows up and gives you reasons and explanation that are socially acknowledgeable. You may feel bound by these reasons and social rules, and become unable to choose and decide.

Those excuses may sometimes lead to serious consequences. For example, saying “I want to make my child listen to me. Otherwise s/he may be in an accident,” is in essence the same as wishing for an accident to happen to the child. When somebody says, “I have to quit my job, otherwise I may ruin my health,” no one knows whether it is true or not, but s/he allows the possibility that it will manifest as his/her reality one day.

Therefore, it is important to first to uncover what your Adult Self and Child Self are thinking. It helps to write down what they are saying on paper. As I explained before, we are not good at separating reality from imagination and fantasy. Writing helps you to draw a distinction between them and their respective thoughts. For instance, you might have two opposite wishes at the same time: you want to take a long vacation in an exquisite resort, and you want to work harder to get a promotion. When you hear both statements to yourself expressing the two thoughts, you think you can manage to do both. However, when you put your thoughts down on a paper, you can see it clearly that you need to choose one for yourself. Moreover, it helps to show what you have written to others. They can also point out your Something Strange.

It is also recommended to write down a dialog between Adult Self and Child Self.
You will notice that the Child Self sometimes pops out suddenly pretending to be an adult (False Adult) in the conversation. If you capture the false adult’s remarks straightaway, you will find the train of thought which has deceived you for long time, and you will be able to end the conflict.

img_4560

TAW Inner Child Therapy is the Method to Access to Your Limbic System

Chapter 11. Why Do We Need to Correct Inner Child

You see commentators on the news claim, “You, authorities, should apologize to victims,” or “You should pay more compensation money to victims.” This indicates that they believe things happened beyond their control and there must be somebody else to blame. Those people think that the act of blaming means justice.

In the world where thoughts create reality, there is no blaming game. There is nothing for which one can blame somebody else. Without understanding this law, people end up having a sense of victimization and blaming others as if that constitutes justice. This victim mentality is Inner Child. Yet, those commentators on the news have social status, and they are well-educated. Most people perceive the commentators’ remarks as rational and acceptable, so we interpret these remarks incorrectly as thoughts of Adult Self, instead of deeming it as thoughts of Inner Child. Still, we, Fractal psychologists, do not do it. Why do we deem these blaming thoughts as Inner Child?

As we learned from Lesson 3 (page 8), what the surface conscious experiences presently is the reality created out of the deep conscious. In order to change the current reality, you must modify and reeducate your deep conscious, especially the old part of it which has very limited and unintelligent viewpoints. Because of this “limited and unintelligent” inclination, we call it “Child.”
We all have this part in our deep conscious, so we call it Inner Child.

Visualizing yourself as a child has another effect. The law of “Thoughts Create Reality” can be explained physically as follows: Thoughts as water vapor turn into emotions as liquid water, and they form reality as ice. Therefore, you must go back at least to the stage of liquid water in order to change the ice. Since water means emotions in this case, you need to access the emotional part of the brain that is called the cerebral limbic system, which you used in your childhood. In order to do this, you need to imagine that you are a child, and feel the old emotions as much as possible. It allows the ice to remold into a new shape. Thus, your reality changes accordingly.

This process is also useful when one wants to develop a new ability. If the surface conscious is likened to leaves of a tree, the deep conscious is likened to its root. We can expect the tree to grow taller and faster when we give nutrients to the root of the tree, not to the leaves. The root is the old mind, called “Inner Child.”
As shown above, it is an effective method to visualize Inner Child in order to modify the old deep conscious and to develop new abilities.

14054987_635926873237464_110309763421853562_n

 

You Forget Your Initial Intentions of Being Ill

10. We Only Choose Benefits and Advantages

There is an sequence to follow, in order to gain a deep understanding the law, “Thoughts create reality.” To begin with, you must exclude the events that happened to other people. You need to examine only what happened to you, not what happened to others.
This principle must be followed in order to fully understand the law, “Thoughts create reality.” If you have a victim mentality, it is difficult to examine tragic events that you watch on TV news, putting aside your emotional feelings.

Every life strives to have a better environment. Therefore, a man only chooses whatever benefits him. Then, why are there those who choose and create sickness or bullying? We are sure that nobody wants to experience pain and suffering. However, if you experience those miseries, that means that you have thought of them at the level of deep conscious. You are writing those events into your screenplays.

When you are experiencing sufferings in your reality, you must find its seed (initial intention) to change the reality. Otherwise, the same result will continue to be produced because the same seed is automatically sown. For example, the seed of illness might have been your wish to let you off from work, to make someone treat you better, or to make someone apologize to you. The illness that was initially just a method to make your wish come true, became the purpose itself.
You forget your initial intentions (those are the purpose of your life), so you are apt to feel that you are a victim of your destiny, believing that you had not intended those events. But your initial intention is the origin, or the seed for creating your reality. The reality is the fruit of the seed.

If you are experiencing bullying, like horrible treatment from your boss, your initial intention may be to prove your perseverance. If you think, “I’ve struggled alone and worked hard despite of my boss’s bullying,” it might sound as if you are a better person, and it would give you some kinds of self-fulfillment. Making your boss a bad person naturally makes you a better and righteous person. In fact, your bully boss is just a projection of your deep conscious. This reveals that you are also a bully in your deep conscious. For the payment of concealing this fact, you end up experiencing being bullied.

Regardless of what your current reality is, let’s consider that your current reality would have had benefits at the beginning. By observing your present benefits, you can find your initial intention. And then, you can modify it and release yourself from hardships.

Your Feeling Is Not Necessarily a Fact.

Chapter 9: Your Sense of Deficiency Is Proportioned to the Amount of Your Desire

Let’s say a man answered the question in the preparatory exercise for Chapter three, that love means parents always listen to him. He believes his parents did not listen to him, which he took as a sign of their lack of love for him. However, how could he be sure that his parents did not listen to him? You cannot be so sure of your own senses. The feeling that your parents did nothing for you is not necessarily a fact. Children under the age of six have a very limited perspective and care about only themselves. They do not remember when their parents listened to them because it always happened naturally. If their parents ignored them once, they would have kept strong memories because they felt resentment toward their parents, and they would have the memory that their parents “always” did not listen to them because they replay the memory repeatedly.

On the other hand, there are children who can accept their situation easily. They do not complain to their parents when their parents don’t provide what they want. Those children did not expect much from their parents in the first place, thus, there is a difference in perceiving an event among children with different degrees of desire. If you hear one person state, “My parents didn’t take care of me,” and another state, “My parents did,” you cannot judge which person was cared for more than the other. Yet, you can assert that those who clung to the memory that their parents did not take care of them had really a strong desire for their parents to do that.

For those people, it is difficult to relinquish the resentful memories. The image of the poor self is transferred into another image that they made with much effort; this process changes the lazy and mundane self into somebody of distinction and importance. Unhappy memories of their parents not loving them are an attractive and agreeable story to make other people sympathize and forgive them despite their bad traits. They can manipulate other people into taking care of them.

Even when the stories are kept private in their minds, they feel a sense of superiority because they are trying very hard despite their unfortunate past. Thus, they have no intention to let go of the past when they have already grown up.
As I explained above, there are misunderstandings in their minds which are emotionally charged. Those misunderstandings lead to their current situations in which they feel frustrated or underappreciated it is. Such a waste of energy to have these misunderstandings! Recognizing these misunderstandings is the way to liberate themselves in the true sense. However, their freedom is still limited as long as they blame their parents for their current lives. That means that they are still spiritually dependent on their parents even if they seem to be financially independent.

People Have Wrong Definition of Love

Chapter 8: Change Definition of Love

Some people will have emotional difficulties when they try to broaden their perception. For those who hate the parents, it does not make sense when they hear that their parents loved them. Deeper investigation uncovers that they have resentment towards their parents who were different from their ideal image, saying; “my parents should have done that for me, but..” or “My parents were unusual. They didn’t act as other parents do..” Now they are adults, and they seem like they already have forgiven their parents, but those emotions still remain, even over something trivial. Those people have noticed many shortcomings in their parents.

Examples of the situation are:
1. My mother was cold-hearted, always paying attention to my elder brother and never to me.
2. My father was selfish and never fulfilled my needs. He never asked me what I wanted to buy and where I wanted to go.
3. My mom always took care of my younger sister, and she left me alone, saying “You are not a little child anymore.”
4. I was subject to abuse, so I was not same as other children. My parents were very immature.
5. I was always wondering why my family was deprived. My parents were always complaining about money and they didn’t buy anything for me.
6. My mother was dependent and obedient to my father. I didn’t want to turn out to be like her. I thought women were at a disadvantage. That’s why I never married.
7. I grew up in a loveless family because my parents divorced. I don’t know how to love, so nobody loves me.

You cannot recognize things that you take for granted. If you are a parent, you must know from experience what a demanding job parenting is. Parents spend most of their time child-rearing. Those who do not admit that their parents loved them do not comprehend this. They say, “I did not ask them to give birth. They just had me, so it’s their duty to raise me. However, simply taking care of me is not love.” They are asking their parents for something special, more than simply taking care of them. For those people, love means dependence and control. If they insist on this attitude, they will never have true love because the growing older naturally means less dependence on others.

If a woman has this dependency, she will have a fear of loving others. It is not because she did not have her parents’ love but she has become fearful thinking a lover will be dependent on her and control her just in the same way as she demanded to her mother and father. In her private life, she will have trouble getting married, and socially she will not enjoy working with subordinates because she believes other people are really dependent on her. As we have seen so far, the old, piled up resentments hinder growth and development, and they put limitations on you unknowingly. Thus, the misconception of the definition of love limits you in many ways.

130429_151135
130429_151135