The Purpose of Life for Youngest Child is Protection..Love.

3. Characteristic of the Youngest Child

The Youngest Child has at least one older sibling, so parents are experienced raising children by the time of his/her birth. They raise him/her while they work and take care of the first child. The youngest can never experience monopolizing his/her mother, and usually receives second-hand clothing and baby items from the older sibling. Parents and family members no longer make a big deal out of the arrival of a child. Thus, s/he receives much less attention and fewer gifts. From the start, parents can dedicate less time and energy to this child in comparison to the older child. If there are three or more children in the household, they can no longer afford financially to provide for the Youngest Child, so eventually his/her financial state will be worse. The first child tends to want the best things, but the Youngest Child usually feels very happy when receiving something from his/her parents, even if it is ridiculously trivial.

The Youngest Child is often said to be shrewd. S/he grows up watching the older siblings and can observe what makes their parents happy or annoyed. On the other hand, s/he is very cautious and timid, and this disposition itself caused him/her to be born as the youngest. S/he is supposed to be protected and pampered by the whole family. The general definition of love is receiving protection and care, so we can say that “protection is love.” Thus, the Youngest Child can obtain “love.” S/he receives less care and attention initially, but the attention of his/her parents will increase little by little as s/he grows older. That is because his/her mother can spend more time and attention to take care of the Youngest Child as the older siblings become independent. Thus, the Youngest Child is the only child who can get increase his/her mother’s care. S/he enjoys learning from the older siblings who are ahead of him/her. S/he is less resistant to receiving guidance or copying others. On the other hand, s/he always feels inferior to the older siblings. That feeling makes him/her very competitive, and make him/her possess a strong aspiration to improve.

Sometimes the older siblings suppress and force him/her to behave like as a servant. This is the cost of the love (protection) that s/he gets. In order to be loved (protected,) s/he needs to be observant of other family members, and curry favor with them. This is another cost of love. Thus, s/he becomes interested in people. The image of the Youngest Child is that of “an eternal student.” S/he has an inclination to learn forever. S/he always feels unconfident and feels like s/he can never win. This feeling is also the cost of receiving “protection.”

Main Characteristics:
A: S/he tends to be dependent and needy for protection.
B: S/he is timid, feeling unstable in a leadership position.
C: S/he is emotional, considerate to others, sympathetic with others.
D: S/he tends to curry favor with others, and often uses humore.
E: S/he is interested in learning, being guided and has great aspirations.
F: S/he becomes flustered because there is always something overwhelming him/her. S/he has low self-estimateem.
G: S/he avoids taking responsibility alone. S/he takes action only when guided or instructed.
H: S/he is self-assertive in a selfish manner.
I: Due to low self-esteem, s/he tends to settle for her/his second choice.


When You Are in Conflict, Find Your “False Adult”

Chapter 12. Inner Child That Pretends to Be an Adult

The ultimate purpose of modifying your mind is transferring yourself to the state where you can make choices on your own. In that state, you will have independence based on the confidence with which you can be responsible for your life. This mental independence is the true form of freedom. It will definitely give you the greatest joy in your life.
However, there are times when you cannot make decisions, with various thoughts just going in circles. You want to make a decision, but still you cannot do it. Nobody deters you, but you are just unable to do so. This conflict wastes your energies, and this standstill exhausts you.

When you have a conflict, there are two entities inside you. One is mature, Adult You, and the other Inner Child. These two are arguing in your mind. Inner Child wants to avoid duties and responsibilities. S/he tries to deceive Adult You by making plausible excuses or seemingly rational reasons in order to manipulate other people including Adult You. This Child You is what we call “False Adult (Pretended Adult).” Its excuses eventually appear to be of righteousness and common sense, and that will make it difficult for you to make a decision, and send you thinking in circles without an end.
Sometimes Inner Child blurts out sophism. This unexplainable reasoning is called “Something Strange.” Something Strange is an unreasonable train of thought which is chained arbitrarily in your mind. You cannot become aware of this train of thought by yourself.

In order to end the conflict, you must be able to see through the excuses and rationales by False Adult and Something Strange. You must be careful with False Adult when it shows up and gives you reasons and explanation that are socially acknowledgeable. You may feel bound by these reasons and social rules, and become unable to choose and decide.

Those excuses may sometimes lead to serious consequences. For example, saying “I want to make my child listen to me. Otherwise s/he may be in an accident,” is in essence the same as wishing for an accident to happen to the child. When somebody says, “I have to quit my job, otherwise I may ruin my health,” no one knows whether it is true or not, but s/he allows the possibility that it will manifest as his/her reality one day.

Therefore, it is important to first to uncover what your Adult Self and Child Self are thinking. It helps to write down what they are saying on paper. As I explained before, we are not good at separating reality from imagination and fantasy. Writing helps you to draw a distinction between them and their respective thoughts. For instance, you might have two opposite wishes at the same time: you want to take a long vacation in an exquisite resort, and you want to work harder to get a promotion. When you hear both statements to yourself expressing the two thoughts, you think you can manage to do both. However, when you put your thoughts down on a paper, you can see it clearly that you need to choose one for yourself. Moreover, it helps to show what you have written to others. They can also point out your Something Strange.

It is also recommended to write down a dialog between Adult Self and Child Self.
You will notice that the Child Self sometimes pops out suddenly pretending to be an adult (False Adult) in the conversation. If you capture the false adult’s remarks straightaway, you will find the train of thought which has deceived you for long time, and you will be able to end the conflict.


Your Feeling Is Not Necessarily a Fact.

Chapter 9: Your Sense of Deficiency Is Proportioned to the Amount of Your Desire

Let’s say a man answered the question in the preparatory exercise for Chapter three, that love means parents always listen to him. He believes his parents did not listen to him, which he took as a sign of their lack of love for him. However, how could he be sure that his parents did not listen to him? You cannot be so sure of your own senses. The feeling that your parents did nothing for you is not necessarily a fact. Children under the age of six have a very limited perspective and care about only themselves. They do not remember when their parents listened to them because it always happened naturally. If their parents ignored them once, they would have kept strong memories because they felt resentment toward their parents, and they would have the memory that their parents “always” did not listen to them because they replay the memory repeatedly.

On the other hand, there are children who can accept their situation easily. They do not complain to their parents when their parents don’t provide what they want. Those children did not expect much from their parents in the first place, thus, there is a difference in perceiving an event among children with different degrees of desire. If you hear one person state, “My parents didn’t take care of me,” and another state, “My parents did,” you cannot judge which person was cared for more than the other. Yet, you can assert that those who clung to the memory that their parents did not take care of them had really a strong desire for their parents to do that.

For those people, it is difficult to relinquish the resentful memories. The image of the poor self is transferred into another image that they made with much effort; this process changes the lazy and mundane self into somebody of distinction and importance. Unhappy memories of their parents not loving them are an attractive and agreeable story to make other people sympathize and forgive them despite their bad traits. They can manipulate other people into taking care of them.

Even when the stories are kept private in their minds, they feel a sense of superiority because they are trying very hard despite their unfortunate past. Thus, they have no intention to let go of the past when they have already grown up.
As I explained above, there are misunderstandings in their minds which are emotionally charged. Those misunderstandings lead to their current situations in which they feel frustrated or underappreciated it is. Such a waste of energy to have these misunderstandings! Recognizing these misunderstandings is the way to liberate themselves in the true sense. However, their freedom is still limited as long as they blame their parents for their current lives. That means that they are still spiritually dependent on their parents even if they seem to be financially independent.

People Have Wrong Definition of Love

Chapter 8: Change Definition of Love

Some people will have emotional difficulties when they try to broaden their perception. For those who hate the parents, it does not make sense when they hear that their parents loved them. Deeper investigation uncovers that they have resentment towards their parents who were different from their ideal image, saying; “my parents should have done that for me, but..” or “My parents were unusual. They didn’t act as other parents do..” Now they are adults, and they seem like they already have forgiven their parents, but those emotions still remain, even over something trivial. Those people have noticed many shortcomings in their parents.

Examples of the situation are:
1. My mother was cold-hearted, always paying attention to my elder brother and never to me.
2. My father was selfish and never fulfilled my needs. He never asked me what I wanted to buy and where I wanted to go.
3. My mom always took care of my younger sister, and she left me alone, saying “You are not a little child anymore.”
4. I was subject to abuse, so I was not same as other children. My parents were very immature.
5. I was always wondering why my family was deprived. My parents were always complaining about money and they didn’t buy anything for me.
6. My mother was dependent and obedient to my father. I didn’t want to turn out to be like her. I thought women were at a disadvantage. That’s why I never married.
7. I grew up in a loveless family because my parents divorced. I don’t know how to love, so nobody loves me.

You cannot recognize things that you take for granted. If you are a parent, you must know from experience what a demanding job parenting is. Parents spend most of their time child-rearing. Those who do not admit that their parents loved them do not comprehend this. They say, “I did not ask them to give birth. They just had me, so it’s their duty to raise me. However, simply taking care of me is not love.” They are asking their parents for something special, more than simply taking care of them. For those people, love means dependence and control. If they insist on this attitude, they will never have true love because the growing older naturally means less dependence on others.

If a woman has this dependency, she will have a fear of loving others. It is not because she did not have her parents’ love but she has become fearful thinking a lover will be dependent on her and control her just in the same way as she demanded to her mother and father. In her private life, she will have trouble getting married, and socially she will not enjoy working with subordinates because she believes other people are really dependent on her. As we have seen so far, the old, piled up resentments hinder growth and development, and they put limitations on you unknowingly. Thus, the misconception of the definition of love limits you in many ways.


Misinterpretation Rooted From Limited Perspectives

Chapter 7: Broaden Perspectives and Eliminate Misinterpretation

How were your answers in the preparatory exercises? Most students answered something like, “I understood my mother over 99 percent but she understood me only 10 percent.”
The answers reveal that most of us feel that our mother’s perception on us was wrong and our viewpoint of our mothers was right. Is this true? No, in fact your mother definitely understood you much better than you did your mother. Do you agree? The more mature you are, the more you understand this and agree. The same goes for your workplace; the less experienced employees absolutely cannot understand the more experienced workers. However, you believed that as a child, you could judge your parents better than they judged you as well. This per se is an example of misinterpretation rooted from limited perspectives.

Your immature mind defined your parents before you were six years old. Thus, without truly understanding what your parents were actually doing, you have defined what your parents were. A broader perspective brings accurate views. For example, the whole view of an elephant drives you to understand accurately what an elephant is. But with a limited viewpoint, if you see only a leg of an elephant, you misinterpret that the foot is the entire elephant. You would believe that an elephant must be like a wall.

The same thing happened in your childhood. The perceptive of a child is centered on self. Child-you determined that whoever pampers you is a good person, and whoever restricts you is a bad person. Children would likely say;
“My mother is cold. She is always nice to my younger sister, not me.”
”My dad gets angry easily. He is scary. I don’t want to talk to him. I hate him.”

Fractal Psychological modification of Inner Child makes your perception of time wider and lets you get the whole picture of every object. You need to consider what the true meaning of fairness is, and who should have priority in a family. This consideration will help you get rid of your misinterpretation. And then, you can start to perceive a new world that you have missed so far.


All Problems Stem From Only Three Causes

Chapter 6: All Problems Stem From Arrogance, Laziness and Ignorance

As we have already learned, the recognition ability of Inner Child is too immature to acknowledge our parents fairly and accurately. This failure has led to much misunderstanding and undervaluation of your parents at the level of the deep consciousness, even though we are now adults. Remember, the evaluation of your parents reflects on society. When you undervalue your parents, you undervalue your own abilities as well, because your parents are the reflection of part of your deep conscious.
For this reason, people who don’t respect their parents are apt to feel their ability is low, and they might believe that the reason is genetic. This is not true.

Fractal Psychology elucidates that, ultimately speaking, all problems stem from arrogance, laziness and ignorance: in other words, arrogance that parents should always put you first over anybody else, baby-like laziness that parents should take care of you constantly, ignorance that stems from lack of knowledge of the mechanism between phenomenon and thought. This misconception at the initial stage of life becomes a pattern and produces seeds for many troubles and problems in the future. These seeds are present and will affect your deep conscious.

Why do these misunderstanding occur? It is because we had been in perfect harmony and oneness before we started this life. Imagine that, as a fetus, you have absolute protection in your mother’s warm womb; you can get a constant flow of nutrients before you feel even a little hunger. There is no need for asking or showing your desires to others, and still you are protected from everything perfectly. But once you were born, the world begins to lag. You cry for milk, but milk does not come immediately. Everything takes time. Sometimes results are not as expected, and you must suffer and endure.

So, to be born in this world means a transition from the perfect world to a world with dissatisfaction and negativity. You take more notice of negativity, rather than love that exists for granted. You forget that in the womb you grew yourself on your own, but now you need to ask your parents to nurture you instead. This is the base of your mind, and that makes you incorrectly require something from your parents, others, and society. Furthermore, you might believe you are still helpless and powerless even in adulthood. Needless to say, that is just an illusion, but these feelings are comfortable for you because they remind you of being helpless and powerless after birth, when your parents took care of all of your needs.

Examples of Childhood Misinterpretation

“I am the center of my family.”
“I think my mother should prioritize me, instead of my father and my siblings.”
I consider my mother as a maid.
I think that my siblings took my mother away from me.
I feel that I can get anything I want.
I feel that I should be freed from whatever I do not want to do.
I believe that my mother should understand my feelings without explanation.
I think it is malicious to scold me.
I think others should listen to me all the time.


The Traits of Your Parents Are Those You Already Possess

Chapter 5: Features of Fractal Psychology in Modifying Inner Child

Inner Child Therapy in Fractal Psychology is to modify your mind that remains stunted, by healing, re-experiencing and re-interpreting the events that caused trauma. Conventional therapy to treat Inner Child helps one to forgive his/her parents who gave imprinting and caused traumas, and to correct a tendency inherited from his/her ancestors. However, this does not conform to the theory of Fractal Psychology which is based on TAW, saying “Thoughts create reality.” TAW stipulates that our thoughts precede our parents.

As we learned from chapter three, we cannot recognize traits like love, because we do not possess love in ourselves. Therefore, some traits you see in parents are those you already have in your mind. Since you do not want to see them in yourself, you project them to your parents instead. Unless you admit that those traits originally belong to you, you cannot change your situation on your own, and you will experience the same situation again. When you experience the same situation, you will say as usual, “This negative pattern has been imprinted on me by my parents, so I’m experiencing this situation.”

Let me illustrate the above point. You felt that your clothes got dirty when you hugged your parents. You thought that their clothes were soiled first and made a mess on yours. So you exclude your parents from your life. Next, you change clothes and embrace your lover. Your lover’s clothes get dirty as well. Whose clothes are dirty after all? It seems that it is your body that is soiled. You see, this is how conventional therapies work, forgiving your parents and others for something even though they were still guilty, without pointing out the true cause.

Here is an example: suppose that your father hit you when you were a child. You forgive him saying, “Oh, he was immature back then. I will forgive him.” It may heal you temporarily and give you a sense of superiority as you felt like you successfully changed yourself. Yet, the tendency to be aggressive to others actually belongs to you, not your father, so you cannot change your disposition despite removing your father from your world. Therefore, you continue to attack people to whom you feel superior, including your children. In those instances, you will make an excuse that the trauma made by your father in your childhood still affects you.

You might remember that repeated memories act like true facts, as we have already learned. These memories repeatedly imaged create another reality. As a result, you might see somebody aggressive around you. You really desire that nobody hurts you, but you are creating somebody who is worse than you, in order to hide your true disposition. Thus, the vicious cycle continues.

TAW methods do not need external villains when you heal yourself. You do not need to forgive somebody in a therapy. All you need to do in therapy is to admit firstly that your father is a projection of your own self. If your father hit you, it suggests that you have initially attacked him (affronted him, belittled him) before his attack. Remember, “Thinking and Taking Action Are the Same Thing.” The admission comes first, and then, you will discover that even now your inner voice is always affronting somebody subconsciously. These aggressive dispositions are the true causes to drive you to your present troubles. Let me emphasis again, the admission must be first. Then, you recognize that your hidden personality, not the trauma, causes your present problems.

In the preparatory worksheet, you listed things that in which you think you are not as bad as your parents. That list is exactly what you have in yourself.