You Can Find Your True Purpose of Life in Your Birth Order

Fractal Psychology Master Course: “Introduction”
The Fundamental Purposes of Life

Chapter 1. The Family Environment as the First Reality That You Created

TAW (Theory on which Fractal Psychology is based) theorizes that life is complete realization of your thoughts. The first thing in your life that you recognized is your family and familial relationships. So, this is your very first creation from your thoughts. Your thoughts precede everything including your parents, siblings and your birth order. Your reality emerged exactly as you had thought. Family is the smallest and first unit of society that you encountered. You learn how to interact with others from birth to the age of six when you live in a small social unit, such as a family. Your thoughts have created your family, and you learn patterns of personal interactions from it. This becomes the foundation of life.

The way you perceive family and your reality is as follows:

Wrong recognition:
“My family environment was _______, so I became _______.”

Correct recognition:
“I had thoughts of _______, which was manifested into my family environment.

“Because my environment had been such, I became _______ more and more.”

What purpose did you have by creating your family environment? It manifests in the order of birth among siblings. Parents treat the eldest, the Middle Child and the youngest differently. This difference can tell you what your initial purpose is at birth, because “Results are Purposes” as we have learned. Why were some born as the eldest, some as the youngest, or some without siblings?
Let us analyze attributes based on birth order.

General Purposes of Life Analyzed by Birth Order:

Eldest Child: status, things, possession, creation
Youngest Child: protection, guidance, love, wisdom, preservation
Middle Child: freedom, independence, innovation, destruction
Only Child: things, possession, protection, monopoly

As shown the above, birth order can tell you much about the purposes of life. Let us explore more in the following lessons (chapters).

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Your Feeling Is Not Necessarily a Fact.

Chapter 9: Your Sense of Deficiency Is Proportioned to the Amount of Your Desire

Let’s say a man answered the question in the preparatory exercise for Chapter three, that love means parents always listen to him. He believes his parents did not listen to him, which he took as a sign of their lack of love for him. However, how could he be sure that his parents did not listen to him? You cannot be so sure of your own senses. The feeling that your parents did nothing for you is not necessarily a fact. Children under the age of six have a very limited perspective and care about only themselves. They do not remember when their parents listened to them because it always happened naturally. If their parents ignored them once, they would have kept strong memories because they felt resentment toward their parents, and they would have the memory that their parents “always” did not listen to them because they replay the memory repeatedly.

On the other hand, there are children who can accept their situation easily. They do not complain to their parents when their parents don’t provide what they want. Those children did not expect much from their parents in the first place, thus, there is a difference in perceiving an event among children with different degrees of desire. If you hear one person state, “My parents didn’t take care of me,” and another state, “My parents did,” you cannot judge which person was cared for more than the other. Yet, you can assert that those who clung to the memory that their parents did not take care of them had really a strong desire for their parents to do that.

For those people, it is difficult to relinquish the resentful memories. The image of the poor self is transferred into another image that they made with much effort; this process changes the lazy and mundane self into somebody of distinction and importance. Unhappy memories of their parents not loving them are an attractive and agreeable story to make other people sympathize and forgive them despite their bad traits. They can manipulate other people into taking care of them.

Even when the stories are kept private in their minds, they feel a sense of superiority because they are trying very hard despite their unfortunate past. Thus, they have no intention to let go of the past when they have already grown up.
As I explained above, there are misunderstandings in their minds which are emotionally charged. Those misunderstandings lead to their current situations in which they feel frustrated or underappreciated it is. Such a waste of energy to have these misunderstandings! Recognizing these misunderstandings is the way to liberate themselves in the true sense. However, their freedom is still limited as long as they blame their parents for their current lives. That means that they are still spiritually dependent on their parents even if they seem to be financially independent.

People Have Wrong Definition of Love

Chapter 8: Change Definition of Love

Some people will have emotional difficulties when they try to broaden their perception. For those who hate the parents, it does not make sense when they hear that their parents loved them. Deeper investigation uncovers that they have resentment towards their parents who were different from their ideal image, saying; “my parents should have done that for me, but..” or “My parents were unusual. They didn’t act as other parents do..” Now they are adults, and they seem like they already have forgiven their parents, but those emotions still remain, even over something trivial. Those people have noticed many shortcomings in their parents.

Examples of the situation are:
1. My mother was cold-hearted, always paying attention to my elder brother and never to me.
2. My father was selfish and never fulfilled my needs. He never asked me what I wanted to buy and where I wanted to go.
3. My mom always took care of my younger sister, and she left me alone, saying “You are not a little child anymore.”
4. I was subject to abuse, so I was not same as other children. My parents were very immature.
5. I was always wondering why my family was deprived. My parents were always complaining about money and they didn’t buy anything for me.
6. My mother was dependent and obedient to my father. I didn’t want to turn out to be like her. I thought women were at a disadvantage. That’s why I never married.
7. I grew up in a loveless family because my parents divorced. I don’t know how to love, so nobody loves me.

You cannot recognize things that you take for granted. If you are a parent, you must know from experience what a demanding job parenting is. Parents spend most of their time child-rearing. Those who do not admit that their parents loved them do not comprehend this. They say, “I did not ask them to give birth. They just had me, so it’s their duty to raise me. However, simply taking care of me is not love.” They are asking their parents for something special, more than simply taking care of them. For those people, love means dependence and control. If they insist on this attitude, they will never have true love because the growing older naturally means less dependence on others.

If a woman has this dependency, she will have a fear of loving others. It is not because she did not have her parents’ love but she has become fearful thinking a lover will be dependent on her and control her just in the same way as she demanded to her mother and father. In her private life, she will have trouble getting married, and socially she will not enjoy working with subordinates because she believes other people are really dependent on her. As we have seen so far, the old, piled up resentments hinder growth and development, and they put limitations on you unknowingly. Thus, the misconception of the definition of love limits you in many ways.

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Misinterpretation Rooted From Limited Perspectives

Chapter 7: Broaden Perspectives and Eliminate Misinterpretation

How were your answers in the preparatory exercises? Most students answered something like, “I understood my mother over 99 percent but she understood me only 10 percent.”
The answers reveal that most of us feel that our mother’s perception on us was wrong and our viewpoint of our mothers was right. Is this true? No, in fact your mother definitely understood you much better than you did your mother. Do you agree? The more mature you are, the more you understand this and agree. The same goes for your workplace; the less experienced employees absolutely cannot understand the more experienced workers. However, you believed that as a child, you could judge your parents better than they judged you as well. This per se is an example of misinterpretation rooted from limited perspectives.

Your immature mind defined your parents before you were six years old. Thus, without truly understanding what your parents were actually doing, you have defined what your parents were. A broader perspective brings accurate views. For example, the whole view of an elephant drives you to understand accurately what an elephant is. But with a limited viewpoint, if you see only a leg of an elephant, you misinterpret that the foot is the entire elephant. You would believe that an elephant must be like a wall.

The same thing happened in your childhood. The perceptive of a child is centered on self. Child-you determined that whoever pampers you is a good person, and whoever restricts you is a bad person. Children would likely say;
“My mother is cold. She is always nice to my younger sister, not me.”
”My dad gets angry easily. He is scary. I don’t want to talk to him. I hate him.”

Fractal Psychological modification of Inner Child makes your perception of time wider and lets you get the whole picture of every object. You need to consider what the true meaning of fairness is, and who should have priority in a family. This consideration will help you get rid of your misinterpretation. And then, you can start to perceive a new world that you have missed so far.

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What Is Inner Child in Fractal Psychology?

Basic Lecture 2: What is Inner Child

Preparatory Worksheet

1. What kinds of problems would you experience when using a computer with an old operating system?

2. How old were your mother and father when you were born?

3. List situations or circumstances in your childhood when you felt being loved by your parents. Examples: When they hugged you; when they bought you a toy.

4. List things that irritate or anger you often in daily life, including really minor things.

5. Did you think that you had been better than your mother or father (or had not been as bad as your parents) in certain aspects? If any, list them.

a. Things better than your mother:
b. Things better than your father:

6. Answer the following questions.

A. Fill in the blanks in the following questions:
“Parents should do (      ) for children.”
“I wished that my parents would have (    ) for me. “

B. Visualize a childhood scene where your family is watching TV after dinner. Who has the control to choose the channels?

C. Imagine your parents and you (age 6) are at the toy store, and they about to buy a toy for you.
Who is choosing what to purchase? Your father, your mother, or yourself?

7. Answer the following questions. Do not give too much thought in answering. The maximum number is 100.
Q1) When you were in middle school, you were scolded by your mother. She said that you
were very self-centered. How much did you think she understood you?
(     )%
Q2) When you heard your mom saying the above, you thought that she was really short-tempered. How much do you think you understood her?                                                                          (       )%

8. What is your definition of “love?”
To love somebody is to (                        .)

9. Please refer to your answer(s) to the question 3 on page 21. How often did your parents do what you had wished that they would do? How many times? Occasionally?

10. What are the benefits or rewards, if any, if you get seriously sick or in an accident?

His Parents Did Not Love Him…True?

Not Being Able to Get Along With Others

Mr. Y’s problem is that he cannot get along with others at work. Looking back in his childhood, he felt that his parents did not love him. He felt that he was left alone because the mother worked as well. So he decided to be alone when nobody paid attention to him and it became his habit. Because of this habit, he became not good at getting along with others.

He realized, though, when he became a parent, that always staying close was not love, but support for his child to grow and develop as a person was. A memory came back to him that that his parents trusted him very much and let him do things freely. The parents would say to him, “Don’t worry about money. Pursue whatever you want to do.” This allowed him to recall many more memories that proved his parents’ love.

Those memories have been in him all the time but have been intentionally ignored. Now his current perception has changed, and his past changed accordingly. Now he realized that he had enjoyed being alone rather than being left alone without choice. He also noticed that he has had the confidence to be very decisive since he was a child. That was his hidden and intentional result of being alone.

Now that his interpretation of the past has changed, and he acknowledges it, he can choose to be alone or with others now, without stress. This change in interpretation enables him to get along with others at work now.

She Was Abandoned, but The Truth Is..

Case Study 1: Tendency to Flatter Other People

Miss H grew up living with her grandparents or with relatives, having been abandoned by her parents. She regards herself as a poor, abandoned child, and thinks this was the reason for her bad character. However, TAW therapy and analysis revealed her true personality. She has a tendency to take for granted that other people will take care of her. She complains a lot, asking for better treatments even when people around her treat her well.

She realized that she had wanted for a better environment, which led her to be passed around the homes of the relatives. She knew that if she stayed at somebody’s home, she would be treated better as a guest. But this was the thinking of a child, and she started to feel uncomfortable in due time and ended up complaining.

Miss H still has this tendency. She belittles the president of the company for which she works, and feels superior to him. To conceal her cunning trait, she flatters the president of another company to make him acknowledge her, as proof that she is a good person.

This is her modus operandi that she presently uses, not due to her childhood event. Now that she admits that she was cunning in rejecting her parents and flattering others to obtain better treatment, she finally realized that people around her have always treated her well.

The Past Exists at the Present Time

Chapter 9: Time Moves From the Present to the Past and the Future

Somebody said, “I did not have many complaints about my parents while growing up, but I realized as an adult that I could not do much in society. My parents haven’t taught me anything at all. Isn’t that terrible of them?”

Initially, she considered that her parents were great parents. However, she wanted to put blame on somebody else for her present incompetence, so she reasoned that they have taught her nothing. Then she started to see that her parents were actually bad. In this case, she should have made more of an effort in learning and building skills rather than making excuses. This admission would be shameful instead, and would take too much effort for her, so she blames the laziness of her parents and escapes from her responsibilities and obligations.

As you can see from the above example, your intentions have much to do with how you perceive your reality. This example shows that the current intention changed the meaning of past events. It illustrates that time does not flow from the past to the present in a linear-fashion. The present is not a result of a cause in the past.You may say that you cannot do anything about your current situations or reality because of some past events or karma, but you are simply making excuses because you do not want to be responsible and accountable for your present reality.

In the above example, a few decades separate the past event and the present intention. Yet, something that happened just now becomes immediately part of the past, and is interpreted by your present intention when you experience it. With different intentions, an event that was considered a negative may turn into a positive.

After all, the past only exists in your consciousness at the present time. Facts do not exist at all, and the past is remembered based on how you interpret it at the present time.
Nobody memorizes every single thing in his/her past. We only memorize part of an event by intentionally choosing what we want to memorize. Even if a person memorizes his parents as abusive, they may have been nice ninety-eight percent of the time and abusive only two percent of the time. He may have chosen to memorize the two percent and replayed the scene over and over in his mind. He had an intention in the past that served as criteria of what to memorize, but that intention still remains in the current him. How we interpret the past is determined by the present.

His past will change drastically if he reviews it, and concludes that the two percent of his memories of abuse was actually discipline for his selfish actions by his parents, and the other ninety-eight percent of his memories that he ignored are their true love. Thus, the TAW program helps you to rewrite your past considerably.

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Memories Are Not Facts

Chapter 8: Memories Are Fabricated

We learned in Lesson 6 that thinking is the same as taking action. If you accept it, can you say for sure that your brain could differentiate real experiences from mere imaginations or fantasies? You may say, “Yes, I can. Everyone can do it too.” However, the answer is actually, “No.”

The below example illustrates what I mean: there is a mother who reads to her child almost every night. “One day, I was too tired so I was about to skip reading. My son then said ‘Mom, you always skip reading.’ I was surprised, as I seldom go to bed without reading to him. This made me realize how children perceive negative events in an exaggerated manner.”

Children indeed tend to perceive what happen to them in this fashion. They cannot recognize what they regard as normal but strongly remember what is not. Thus, the boy only remembers the times when his mother didn’t read to him. Those few events left stronger impressions in him and are repeatedly recalled in his mind. The more frequently the events are remembered, the more they become intensified. Consequently the boy ends up thinking this happened “all the time”.

Also, you often hear people say: “My parents ignored me all the time when I was a child, “My dad hit me a lot when I was young,” “As a child, I was crying all the time,” and so forth. You must be skeptical if those statements are really true. Ask them what details they actually can recall on these occasions. Usually, it is the case that they can only remember just one or a couple of times the event happened in their lives of thirty-plus years. Yet, they would tell you that this ALWAYS happened. What occurs is that their imagination/fantasy has constructed and expanded what happened to build the memories as they have now.

By the same token, whatever good deeds you imagined doing are repeated in your mind, and the repetitions make you feel like you had always been doing them actually.
1. “I always cared about my mom.” (Imagination/Fantasy)
2. “I always helped my mom with chores.” (Occasional action and imagination/fantasy)
3. “I always took care of my younger brother.” (Forgetting about having bullied him much more than taking care of him)
4. “My dad was always asleep at home.” (This actually happened once a week.)

You need to be careful especially with case 1, a memory created by imagination/fantasy. You are aware of your own imagination/fantasy and believe in your mind that you did care about your mom for real. But you fail to notice the thoughtfulness of others because it is invisible and unrecognizable to you.

Thus, your memories of your own good conduct become inflated by imagination/fantasy, while you do not do the same for the good behavior of others. Bad actions by others get magnified by your imagination/fantasy in your mind and are remembered that way. Then, how reliable is your memory?

I have shown you how memories can be constructed by your own intention. The basis of your life is rooted in your childhood, but it consists of your own imagination and fantasies to a large degree. This means that you can manipulate and change most of the root since you are the one who created it.

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Reverse the Direction of the Time Axis

Chapter 7: Your Thoughts Precede Your Parents

TAW theory states that your thoughts come before your reality and there is no exception to this rule. Then, what about parents? In conventional psychology, the time axis always points from your parents to you. This only allows you to go as far as forgiving your parents when you have a problem with them, within the domain of traditional psychology. Conventional belief is that you cannot choose your parents and they must exist before you for you to be born. If you are dissatisfied with and resent your parents, all you can do is to forgive their immaturity to remove the resentment.

But this defies TAW theory; how can you say that your thoughts create your reality when you feel like you have no control over the choice of parents. In a way, it is arrogant to say that you forgive them for their immaturity (by regarding yourself superior than them). It is also pretentious and even tragic to sympathize with your parents for your grandparents’ immaturity.
There is no second of time when your thoughts do not manifest in your reality. You may say, “My parents weren’t mature,” and “They weren’t bad. My grandparents are the one to blame.” However, this kind of thinking and these excuses make you as a victim in your own life. It asserts that your birth, which is the very root of your life, has nothing to do with your thoughts. This obscures the law that thoughts create reality. It is necessary to re-grasp the consciousness you had at the start of your life in order to live a full life according to the law.

In TAW theory, the origin of life is your thoughts. Therefore, it is necessary to reverse the direction and perception of the time axis, moving now from you to your parents. It is your thoughts, the origin, that have created your parents. The immaturity of your parents is merely a reflection of the immaturity of your thoughts at the beginning of your consciousness. Don’t you agree that freedom in the truest form is the ability to attribute everything to oneself and be self-contented?

Independence of spirit and mind is true freedom. In order to achieve that, it helps to take a new look at the family relationships in your childhood since it is the basis of your life. This gives you clues to recognize that you have been creating your life exactly according to your wishes and thoughts.

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