Chapter 9: Your Sense of Deficiency Is Proportioned to the Amount of Your Desire
Let’s say a man answered the question in the preparatory exercise for Chapter three, that love means parents always listen to him. He believes his parents did not listen to him, which he took as a sign of their lack of love for him. However, how could he be sure that his parents did not listen to him? You cannot be so sure of your own senses. The feeling that your parents did nothing for you is not necessarily a fact. Children under the age of six have a very limited perspective and care about only themselves. They do not remember when their parents listened to them because it always happened naturally. If their parents ignored them once, they would have kept strong memories because they felt resentment toward their parents, and they would have the memory that their parents “always” did not listen to them because they replay the memory repeatedly.
On the other hand, there are children who can accept their situation easily. They do not complain to their parents when their parents don’t provide what they want. Those children did not expect much from their parents in the first place, thus, there is a difference in perceiving an event among children with different degrees of desire. If you hear one person state, “My parents didn’t take care of me,” and another state, “My parents did,” you cannot judge which person was cared for more than the other. Yet, you can assert that those who clung to the memory that their parents did not take care of them had really a strong desire for their parents to do that.
For those people, it is difficult to relinquish the resentful memories. The image of the poor self is transferred into another image that they made with much effort; this process changes the lazy and mundane self into somebody of distinction and importance. Unhappy memories of their parents not loving them are an attractive and agreeable story to make other people sympathize and forgive them despite their bad traits. They can manipulate other people into taking care of them.
Even when the stories are kept private in their minds, they feel a sense of superiority because they are trying very hard despite their unfortunate past. Thus, they have no intention to let go of the past when they have already grown up.
As I explained above, there are misunderstandings in their minds which are emotionally charged. Those misunderstandings lead to their current situations in which they feel frustrated or underappreciated it is. Such a waste of energy to have these misunderstandings! Recognizing these misunderstandings is the way to liberate themselves in the true sense. However, their freedom is still limited as long as they blame their parents for their current lives. That means that they are still spiritually dependent on their parents even if they seem to be financially independent.